As I reach 50 years old my mind seems to travel back to my childhood more and more. If parents knew how much of a responsibility they have when bringing children in to this world I wonder if it would make a difference?
I grew up in a wealthy but strict household, so strict in fact that I was regularly beaten with a cane and sometimes a fishing rod. It was not enough for my parents to force me to take my punishment by merely bending over and touching my toes but, bending over with my pants down. The punishment in itself although painful, never did hurt as much as the humiliation I felt each time this happened. This continued right up until I was sent away at age 14 years.
My Father took me and my siblings away from my biological Mother when I was barely 5 years old, he was at that time in a new relationship with a woman who was pregnant with his child. None of us knew the reason as to why we were taken until much later in our adult lives, my youngest sibling was just 6 months old at the time.
The reason we were taken from our Mother was because all three of us were badly neglected by her, it seems that when my Father left her for his new woman she declined rapidly, often leaving us to fend for ourselves for long periods of time. I remember at a very young age trying to feed myself and my siblings.
My Father told me shortly before he passed away that one day he walked in through the kitchen door just as she was mid-flow kicking me across the floor, I was approxamately 2 years old. Apparently that was the time he decided that he was going to leave the marriage and by the time I was 5 he did just that.
It puzzles me as to why then, when my Father took us away, did he bring us up in accordance with a strict victorian upbringing, yes, why did he then beat us with canes, fist and rulers?
Unfortunately, I never did muster the courage to approach my Father on this subject because even though he was harsh and I would freeze with fear when I could hear his car pull up in the drive, I loved him and he was the only parent that I knew, I wanted his approval and that was something that has stayed with me throughout my entire life.
This is why I ask the question, would things of been different if my parents knew the catastrophic affects this would have on our lives…..
Love & Light
Tatiana
